It’s my birthday today. I’m ready for 31.
There is going to be a lot of change this upcoming year and I am ready for it.
I’ve been feeling crummy lately with this feeling of being stuck. Stuck in Boston. Stuck in stuff at work. Stuck with this blog. Stuck in a whole lot of things.
But the big move to Florida is now fast approaching so my mood for just about everything is changing. I know I shouldn’t put so much weight on the move, but I am. It is giving me a fresh start to just about everything.
I am so excited about it. Sure, there are things that stress me out, like how our house is not yet sold, I am moving with Autumn about 6 weeks ahead of Price, and how I don’t yet have daycare for Autumn confirmed, but I am trying not to stress and just be happy that the thing I’ve been looking forward to for the past 10 or so months is finally here.
I’m taking the move as a chance to make some big changes.
Physical changes- I just got my haircut (like 4+ inches off!) and bought some new make up. Maybe that will help me feel like an adult? Maybe it will make me look more mature and people will treat me with more respect? Maybe, just maybe, that shit shouldn’t matter?
Emotional changes- I don’t know what I see for myself emotionally. I actually feel good now. I used to go to therapy, but then it got too stressful to juggle going, and what’s the point in being stressed about going to therapy? I don’t think I need to go again, but I miss having someone to bitch to without having them really go ‘well, you know you’re husband is great…” and I having to say back “Yes, I know he is great, that’s why I married the guy, but if I have to tell him one more time to XYZ I might just murder him in his sleep.” without being really judged since I’m paying them to nod along to my current crisis about some minor shit.
Work changes- I love the company I’ve worked for for the past 9 years for, but if we’re being honest, I’ve felt stagnate for the past few years. Basically, since I had Autumn. I know there are seasons/phases in our lives and I am in the ‘mom to a bossy toddler’ phase, but I’m tired of that being my label. I am looking forward to starting over in a new, much smaller office where I can make my mark again.
Blog Changes- I understand why so many bloggers are feeling the blogger burn out lately. Traffic is not what it used to be. Bloggers are tried of getting PR pitches for no money. People are not engaging as much. Bueller? Bueller? There are a lot of changes that I want to make for the blog so I hopefully you’ll have some patience with me while I work on those changes related to layout, branding, and finding my voice again.
Friend Changes- I hope to actually make some friends this year. I have always felt on the outside of so many circles. Outside of the singles circle. Outside of the New England sports teams lover circle. Outside of such and such circle. I am friendly with people at work, but I don’t have their #’s, I don’t go out to bars with them, I don’t exactly fit in. I’ve even felt outside of the mommy’s circle. It’s what happens when you can’t make it to any mommy’s groups since you’re working, you don’t go to church, and you don’t really bump into any other parents at daycare pick up. Shoot, I’ve tried to strike up conversations with moms at play centers and even Target. So hopefully this will be the year to change that. Maybe Price and I will end up with a Cul-De-Sac Crew one day.
Etc, Etc, Etc Changes- Be more honest without being mean. Stop being so loud. Stop yelling at the dog so much (but WTF is up with ripping up boxes of tissues). Eat more tacos. Stop apologizing so much. Start scrapbooking again. Stop ‘effing swearing so much. Reduce the urge to punch Sheryl Sandberg in the face ever time I hear someone say ‘lean in’. Buy more Sperry’s. Read more books.
I think that 31 will be a great year. And if I fail miserably, at least I tried.