first birthday

November 2014

Dear Autumn-

As every month, nay, as every day passes I am constantly pinching myself that you have been brightening up our lives for how ever long it has been at that point.

We couldn’t believe that you were arriving a week earlier than scheduled. Oh, sure, we always knew they could have moved up my C-section or even that I would go into labor before the 25th, but we had that day circled so that’s what it was going to be! Wrong!

So there I sat dumbfounded saying ‘sure… today works…’ when my doctor told me that they wanted to move things up a week. But, maybe, I couldn’t fit in that day? The hospital would call me later to let me know if you were arriving that night or the morning of the 19th. La-la-la. So I headed back to work to just wait for the hospital to call. I didn’t want to miss out on working that day as I wanted to eek out every bit of maternity leave that I could. So there I am packing up my desk and tying up loose ends when the hospital called at lunch time to ask if I could be there in an hour. Umm, no! Well, there had been a misunderstanding as to who was calling me when related to fitting me in. Whoops.

Anyway, I run out of work (forgetting my coat!) and meet your Dad at the train to get a cab ride home. We threw stuff in a bag – see so unprepared. And left as fast as we could to arrive at the hospital. Surprisingly, we did make good time considering how crazy things had just been.

Thankfully, we breezed through the hospital check-in and head up to the delivery floor to start the process of getting paperwork filled out, IV’s in, getting undressed and in a gown. Oh, Dad had to get dressed up in scrubs too! Before we knew it they were ready for me to head to surgery. Oh boy!

It was scary to head into surgery on my own but I had to get all prepped before Dad could come in. In the end, it didn’t take to long (or so it seemed) to get my spinal and get all set up before he was right by my side. As things were about to begin I told him to talk to me so that I would be distracted from the surgery, like anything really could really distract me, but I just wanted something to kinda take my mind off the rapid firing that my brain was doing as I was trying to listen to your first cry.

And there it was at 4.59pm.

I felt the biggest relief to hear that. The most beautiful sound in the world.

And yet, I was still so utterly nervous. Not because you were born, that was amazing. But because of your omphalocele. The team of doctors that were waiting your arrival checked you out and basically said that it was no big deal. What?!?! That was such wonderful news. It was so hard to believe still. We had been prepped that there there was a chance that we wouldn’t get to hold you for a few days if the omphalocele was complex. But there you were, all wrapped up, getting handed over to us while they completely my surgery. I was so petrified to touch you, but it was the best feeling ever at the same time.

That feeling has never left. I’m usually afriad I’m screwing up along the way but seeing you grow and learn along the way really is the best feeling ever. You are beautiful but you are smart, funny, and charming. You are a flirt, waving to everyone at the grocery store. You love the attention. You are such a happy baby. And a fearless one. Half the stuff you try to climb over makes me so nervous. I know that once you are walking you will be off running. Until then you are a lightening fast crawler. I think you get all the engery from all the different foods you happily eat. At least you do a good job of burning it off since you are still so ‘danty’!

The past year has been amazing. I know that next year, and all the ones to follow, are going to be wonderful. You are such a lovely little girl. Our Bean. Our Autumn. Our Little Chicken. Our Doops. We love you so very much.

Love,

Mom