mom. ma. mama. mommy.
Autumn hasn’t yet figured out how to say those things but she knows me.
She knows I am her mom.
She lights up when I come into a room. She smiles and twirls her arms about when I pick her up from daycare. She laughs at my silly dancing, my off key singing of “Down by the Bay”, and my floppy hair that bounces around when I dance us around to “Happy” by Pharrell.
I’ll never forget the moment I found out I was pregnant. Everything spun around in an amazing life changing way. I was nervous, happy, scared, and excited. Oh, I couldn’t think for the rest of the day.
And then the moment that Autumn was born was nerve-wracking, filled with joy, scary, and exciting. Again, everything spun around in an amazing life changing way.
She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
I’m constantly thinking of her. If not about something in the moment, then it’s about her future. “What will fill you with joy?” “Where will you grow up?” “How can I teach you the big life lessons?”
I realize that we are both figuring our roles out. I am your mom. You are my daughter. We will help guide each other through the times when things get tough, when things are rough around the edges, so that we can come out on the other side and forge a strong relationship with each other that is based on love, respect, and happiness.
I love my little girl to the moon and back. To the deepest part of the oceans. It is an endless love that makes me cuddle for an extra minute, to give extra kisses, to whisper longer whispers. Her sweet open mouth kisses, light laughs, and loud babbling make everything I do for her worth all the sleepless nights, frazzled nerves, and vast amounts of hair loss. For all of those things are temporary, but being her mother is forever.